I’ve always tried to encourage my children to form their own opinions I try my best to teach them everything I know about their different choices and step back and see where it leads. I’ve gone as far as changing my religion. I went from a tree hugging, drum beating Pagan of 13 years to a Bible toting, church going Baptist because my boys wanted to go to church and you know what, I think it’s where we were supposed to be so my theory can’t be too wrong.
Well that theory was tested the other day when someone very close to us told my son she was “glad he wasn’t gay.” I asked her to please not say things like that to my son and she continued on to tell me that she wished certain people that she loved were not gay. Homosexuality, she said, was a mistake, homosexuals live unhappy, unfulfilling lives and they would be happier if they would just stop being gay.
I was so angry. Not so much at the ignorance of what she was saying, I was aware of how she felt before. I was angry that my son was hearing this, that both my sons were hearing it. Heck, I was even angry that my two infants were hearing it for fear they may soak some of it in.
Anyone who knows me already knows my feelings on homosexuality so I won’t get into that in this post. It took me a few days to bring it back up because, frankly, I wasn’t sure what to say but it came up today in the car when Ricky misheard a song on the radio.
“Mom” He asked. “Is this song to another guy? Is he gay?”
“Here’s as good a chance as any” I thought and I jumped right in. “No, it’s not, but what would you think of it if it were.”
Ricky shrugged “It would be the same as any song, it’s about love.”
I pressed on “How do you feel when people talk badly about homosexuals?”
Ricky knew exactly what I was getting at, there’s no beating around the bush with that boy and what he said next still has me beaming with pride.
“Why did she say those things Mommy? She should know more about God then you. God loves us all, he made us to love each other, loving each other is not a mistake, no matter who you love.”
I admit, contrary to my normal response in situations like these I high fived my son. I did go on to explain the other side however telling him that some people believe that it says in the Bible that homosexuality is a sin and that is why she said what she said.
Another high five followed Ricky’s next response which was “I thought God wrote the Bible. If God wrote the Bible he wouldn’t have put that in there. Love is not a sin.”
There was more to the conversation but I will sleep easier tonight with the reaffirmation I am raising a thoughtful, loving, super smart boy who will some day hopefully turn into an amazing man.
What troubles me is my unwillingness to show the other side of this argument in the unbiased light I shine on so many other topics. To me this was no different from explaining to him that some people don’t like some people because of the color of their skin, but those people are idiots. Yes that’s how I explained racism and I stand by it. Bigotry is bigotry, hatred is hatred.
I’ve never had a hard time leading them on their own path, even when it’s contrary to my (see above, changed my entire religion!) I guess my question is when is it time to step in and say, “this is how it is, no black and white, no other sides, this is right and this is wrong“? Where do you draw the line?
I was so angry to be having that conversation in front of him because it was a view I did not want him to hear. In my opinion, it ended up being for the best because it opened up dialog and Ricky made the "right” decision. But what would I have done if he made the “wrong” one. How would I have reacted if he had said “homosexuality is gross” or a sin or a mistake? Could I have let him think that? Would that have been the right thing to do?
What do you think? How much freedom would you give a child to make his/her own opinion or how much would you push your own opinions and view on your child?
